Some version of these questions comes up eventually:

Which outfit gets the most compliments?

Which styles attract the most attention?

How do I look “hot”?

There’s nothing particularly strange about wanting to look attractive. Most people want to make a good impression, and physical attraction is part of dating.

But often style advice goes beyond that and treats attraction as something you can actively manufacture.

The implication seems to be with the right fit, fragrance, or haircut, you can create desire in someone else.

Sometimes This Is The Underlying Motivation. 

Sometimes the objective isn’t really personal style. It’s desirability.

The implied promise is that if you improve your appearance, you’ll attract more attention and, eventually, a potential partner.

It isn’t always stated that explicitly. Instead, the language tends to be about looking irresistible, turning heads, or having the kind of style that makes you seem like you have options. 

The fragrance world does this too.

I like unisex scents, so I’ve spent some time exploring men’s fragrances. At some point, someone will inevitably describe a fragrance as a “pantydropper.”

I can’t confirm the accuracy of that claim, and I understand that it’s mostly humorous. But it does seem to capture the fantasy being sold to men.

The women’s version is slightly different. We get fragrances that supposedly “drive men wild” or “stop men in their tracks.”

It made me think about all the times I’ve complimented a man on his fragrance, or a man has complimented me on mine.

The interactions were always friendly and casual.

Funny enough, I noticed most of time, I was wearing something that wasn’t niche or particularly expensive.

Manufactured Attraction

Physical attraction is important for most people.

I think it’s necessary. It’s just not sufficient for most relationships.

Most people have encountered someone they initially found very attractive, only to notice some concerning qualities once they got to know them.

Maybe a lack of common sense. 

A certain rudeness to customer service staff. 

Or unusual levels of argumentativeness. 

The initial attraction doesn’t seem to compensate for any of this.

Someone you found extremely attractive can become considerably less so once you’ve spent enough time around them.

Online style culture sometimes seems to forget this. It treats attraction as something that can be continually optimized through better clothes, better grooming, better fragrance, and better presentation.

Eventually, though, the clothes run out of things to say and you’re just left with the person.

Sometimes the Object Really Is the Point

There may be an exception to my argument. Sometimes a particular piece of clothing really does create a reaction in another person.

When I was in my twenties, I worked for a small firm where the owner had a particular preference for white pumps on women.

Nobody was required to wear them, but he would occasionally mention his preference in conversation.

There were plenty of other reasons that wasn’t a great place to work, and I didn’t stay long.

Still, I think this kind of association is fairly common. People can attach a specific emotional or sexual response to an object.

A white pump isn’t inherently sexy. It just happens to mean something to a particular person.

It doesn’t matter whether someone else finds white pumps outdated, or whether the woman wearing them even likes them. In his mind, white pumps meant sexy. And that was enough.

It’s similar to when someone says, “I’m dating a blonde.” That’s rarely a precise statement about hair color. It’s shorthand for a particular idea of attractiveness.

The non-blonde might be more attractive. They might even be more compatible. It doesn’t matter. Once the symbol has acquired a meaning, the meaning can matter more than the individual.

What Are We Actually Looking For?

Sometimes the stated problem isn’t really the problem.

I don’t think it’s unusual for someone who’s recently experienced a tough breakup to suddenly become very interested in looking desirable. Or for someone who spent years feeling overlooked to want to finally be noticed.

But they make me wonder how much we expect “looking better” to accomplish. It’s one thing to want to dress better. But are we hoping to make something happen when other people see us?

Clothing can certainly influence that response. It can get you noticed. It can start a conversation. It can even change how someone responds to you.

Temporarily.

Everything after that, though, gets considerably harder to manufacture.