I was reading about Foucault’s idea of the panopticon. The basic premise is simple.

At a certain point, you don’t need anyone watching you.

You start watching yourself.

I thought about clothing when I read that. And more specifically, style culture online.

When I was online more frequently, there was a lot of discussion about “cringe.”

On the surface, it looks like people just judging each other. Which is basic online stuff.

But after a while, you internalize it. You start checking yourself not because someone said something.

But because they might.

No one in your actual life is evaluating the authenticity of your vulcanized sole from Japan.

But the possibility that someone could is enough.

So you stay within the lines or you look for confirmation. Usually fit checks or some other external validation.

I have mentioned before that clothing can make you  paranoid. This feels adjacent to that, but slightly different. It’s not the kind of anxiety where you feel nervous really. It feels more like a split.

You’re not just wearing the clothes. You’re observing yourself wearing them.

I noticed a few things start to happen.

Spontaneity drops. You become more careful and self-conscious. 

Humor changes. You take yourself way too seriously all of a sudden.

Social interactions flatten too.

Because the truth is when you’re with people you actually like, none of this is happening.

You’re not thinking about their outfit.

Or yours.

You just enjoy being there.

Which makes the contrast more obvious of how much of this exists only in your head. 

And how much effort it takes to maintain it.

No one is actually watching.

But you behave like they are.