I generally prefer containment when I dress.
That usually means I am more covered up.
At one point I started to wonder if this meant I had some kind of internalized modesty framework. Some Victorian mindset I hadn’t fully examined.
An elderly woman in my office building once asked me if I was a Jehovah’s Witness because she rarely saw me in pants.
That felt like a little bit of a leap.
So, like most people, I went to the internet to search for answers.
There is no shortage of content about “modesty” in dress. But most of it is framed through religion, morality, or gender roles.
Which is where things start to drift.
A lot of these conversations begin in a place that actually makes sense. People talk about how certain garments feel more comfortable. More ease. More coverage. Less distraction.
But then the framing shifts.
It becomes about:
- what a woman is expected to wear
- what makes someone “proper” or “ladylike”
- how femininity should be presented
- what is considered appropriate or respectable
Now we have moved from the body to identity.
And then from identity to morality.
Why are we adding these additional layers to clothing?
I once saw a comment praising the Olsen Twins for not dressing for the male gaze.
Maybe that’s true. Maybe it isn’t.
But that could be your own projection.
And the interpretation often says more about the observer than the person wearing it.
But that is common in women fashion spaces.
The clothing gets interpreted first. Accuracy comes later, if at all.
But Men Will Treat You Better
This comes up a lot in modesty discussions.
The claim is that women are treated better. Especially by men when they wear dresses and skirts.
I wear dresses, skirts, and pants. And I’ll say this:
Dresses and skirts are often more comfortable in certain situations (especially in the heat). The right fabric and silhouette create ease. Less adjusting. More freedom of movement.
Also dresses are simple. One piece, shoes, done.
So the question becomes:
Are people reacting to the clothing?
Or are they reacting to the fact that you’re moving with ease?
Also there are plenty of women who feel the opposite.
Skirts and dresses might make them feel exposed or unsettled. Pants feel better. More grounded. More secure.
Are they now less deserving of respect?
Of course not.
So what was actually happening with me
I wasn’t trying to be modest.
I was trying to feel contained.
Clothing that:
- holds its shape
- doesn’t expose too much at once
- creates a stable boundary around the body
That’s not a moral framework.
It’s just a physical one.
Why people get confused
Containment can look like modesty from the outside.
But the motivation is different.
- Modesty (as it’s often discussed) = signaling values
- Containment = regulating the body
But they do not begin the same way.
The same old pattern
Once you move into identity or morality, the clothing starts to behave like any other style framework or aesthetic.
Rules appear.
Standards get enforced.
People start performing the identity instead of responding to their body.
And then the original benefit of the garment gets lost.